Challenge

Every writer has started working on something and then gave up halfway through. We all have somewhere an uncompleted idea or play. Your challenge for today, should you choose to accept it, is to find one of those ideas and complete them!

Response

Where do I even begin with this one? There are countless ideas and unfinished scripts on my laptop that I have started working on and never finished. Reasons for not finishing them range from me falling out love with the idea, starting work on another idea instead, simply letting the idea sit into obscurity, or deciding to do a “Write a Play a Day” challenge for the entire month of February.

There are a fair few ideas for full length plays that I have started working on with every intention to one day complete. However I would rather spend more time than just a Saturday afternoon to try and  work to complete it, rather than rush it out in such a small space of time. There have been a few smaller plays which I began to write with the intention to submit to various competitions/events, and either changed the idea or missed the deadline, leaving a few unfinished pieces. So I figured I would find one of them and finally finish it. The one I found is a short play set in a lift, I don’t know why I didn’t finish it or when I was first writing it, but it is now complete!

Result

Going Up

Lights up – A Small Lift

The doors open – DEREK slowly enters

Derek:            (Nervous) Come on, you can… there we go… OK, you’re in. That wasn’t so hard, was it? This is fine, absolutely fine. You’re OK, you’re OK….Except for the fact you’re talking to yourself, that’s not a thing people do, is it? No, it isn’t.

Beat

It’s OK, no one can hear you, so it’s fine… Ah… apart from that camera in the corner.

He waves at it.

Hello – What the hell are you doing, you fucking nutjob? Don’t  wave at the fucking camera, they can’t wave back – No, that’s not the – Eugh.

He walks over towards the panel on the side.

Oh shit what floor was I again. Erm… let me…

He takes out his wallet and rummages through. He pulls out his key card.

OK here we-

BANG!

Derek jumps out of his skin, letting off a high pitched shriek.

(Petrified) AAAH! – I mean – Oh-erm-er….

He leans towards the door.

(With caution) Hello?

His response is a Zombie like groan through the door.

(Terrified) Oh Mother of – wait… Hello?

The sound of laughter

DING!

The door then opens and in flops JESSICA – Clearly drunk from a night out.

Jessica:        OW!

Her friend SASKIA can be seen a few feet away from the door.

Saskia:          Hang on, where’s your…?

Derek shifts to the side awkwardly, as Jessica lifts up her arm and smacks her hand on one of the buttons.

Ah! Got it!

The doors then start to close.

Wait! No-no-no-

They close.

(Muffled) Jessica!

The lift starts moving. Jessica moans, kicks off her heels and gets to her feet. She looks around.

Jessica:        Thank God, got rid of the old ball and chain, amiright?

Pause

Well… I am right so…

She flicks her hair out of her face.

Oh don’t let the drunk act fool you, I’m alright, really I-

She takes a step, but loses it and stacks it against the wall.

Woah! Look at me, still in character. It’s alright, don’t worry, I’ll get myself up. Don’t you worry about a thing!

Derek:            S-sorry.

Jessica:        It talks!

Derek:            I’m just a bit…

Jessica:        What?

Derek:            You know?

Jessica:        No, I don’t. I don’t even-

Derek:            Claustrophobic – just a tad. Otherwise I would have-

Jessica:        -Yeah-yeah-yeah. It’s alright.

Derek:            You sure?

Jessica:        I suppose. Claustrophobic you say?

Derek:            I did… yes.

Jessica:        Why are you in a lift then?

Derek:            I…er-

Jessica:        -Bit stupid if you ask me.

Derek:            I wasn’t but- I’m trying to… you know… beat it.

Jessica:        How many floors you got to go?

Derek:            I- Oh yes, I was just checking that before…

He goes to reach into his wallet, but he cannot bear to look down. He throws his head up, with his eyes closed and breathing heavily.

Jessica:        (Weirded out) Oh – Shit OK… erm… breath? You’re not going to…

Derek takes a final deep breath and he is calm.

Derek:            (Ashamed) Sorry…

Jessica:        No-no, it’s fine. Takes some of the heat off me being pissed out of my mind.

Derek:            This was stupid, I’ll get off at the next- what floor are we going to?

Jessica:        Oh erm…I hit… 65.

Derek’s eyes widen in fear

Derek:            Shit.

Jessica:        No, it’s OK, we’re on…erm…12….13…14

Derek leaps towards the panel.

Derek:            NO – getting off now, quick I-

He trips and falls forward. Jessica catches him, trying to hold him up.

Jessica:        (Struggling) OK then – Woah, alright/ Hang on, let’s just try and stand up there. OK, get back on your-

Derek:            (Overlapping) No, please. Oh shit, let me just – Oh God I feel- I’m gonna be.

He wretches suddenly, causing Jessica to drop him. Derek’s arm hits the panel.

Jessica:        Shit!

The lift suddenly grinds to a halt, causing the pair to fall to the floor.

Silence – Pause

Derek:            Oh no.

Jessica:        Shit…

Derek gets to his feet.

Derek:            Oh no-no-

Jessica:        -It’s OK. You probably just hit the emergency stop.

Derek:            Well, how do I emergency start?

Jessica:        OK, OK calm down. Just press- press the button again.

Derek:            I don’t think it works like that…

Jessica sighs and goes for the panel.

What are you doing?

Jessica:        No harm in trying.

Derek:            NO! Don’t… i-it might-

Jessica:        It’s not going to stop the lift again, is it?

She presses the button.

See! Nothing happened!

Derek:            That’s not a good thing.

Jessica:        Is it a bad thing?

Derek:            Do you see us moving?

Jessica:        Well, we’re not plummeting to our death are we?

She laughs. Derek then slowly curls up into a ball on the floor.

Wait… wh-what are you…? OK, you’re… you’re doing that now.

Derek starts rocking on the floor.

I thought you were claustrophobic; surely curling into a ball is the worst thing to do. Wouldn’t it make more sense to spread out on the floor like erm… like erm… a starfish or something?

Derek:            Please stop talking.

Jessica:        Alright, just… you know…passing the time. Who knows how long we’ll be in here.

Derek:            Oh God! How is that helpful?

Jessica:        It’s not… not helpful.

Derek:            Please stop.

Jessica:        OK – OK. Just… trying to pass the time.

She sighs and goes over to the panel. She looks at Derek, and then presses the emergency stop button. Nothing… She presses it again, this time a lot harder. Nothing.

She then presses the open door button, and looks toward the door. Nothing, so she presses it again, but a lot harder this time.

(Frustrated) Come on.

She keeps pressing it, but to no avail.

(Dizzy) Come on you shitting – shit. Do the…come on, do the thing.

She steadies herself

How you holding up there?

Derek:            Not sure.

Jessica:        I never thought, after tonight, that I’d be the one doing the looking after.

Derek:            Don’t get ahead of yourself.

Jessica:        Alright, I’m just… warming up.

Derek:            You mean sobering up?

Jessica:        Well, that’s a thing, isn’t it? When you’re drunk, but something bad happens, you instantly sober up? Don’t you?

Derek:            Really.

Jessica:        So, I’m still drunk now. But – hey – if you have a panic  attack – boom – I’ll be – bam – on that shit like a fly on – fly on shit.

Derek:            Right…

Jessica:        So that panic attack better watch its  back. ‘Cause I’ll — ho-ho – I’ll be ready – so ready for it.

Derek:            (Nervous) Good to know I’m in safe hands.

Jessica smiles

Jessica:        Why am I standing?

She drops herself onto the floor – Derek tenses up.

Derek:            Oh my God! Don’t do that.

Jessica:        What? My legs were tired!

Derek:            No, don’t drop down like that.

Jessica:        What’s it going to do? We’re not going to plummet to our-

Derek:            (Sing-song) -Ah la-la-la-let’s not use the plum word. Not a nice word/ let’s please not.

Jessica:        (Overlapping) OK-OK, not using the word. Calm down!

Derek:            Calm down?

Jessica:        Yes, calm down.

Derek:            Well fu… I never thought of that.

Jessica:        See, told you I could take care of you.

Derek:            That is literally the worst thing to say to someone like me.

Jessica:        You what?

Derek:            That’s like telling someone to mind their head, after it’s fallen off!

Jessica:        Well… mind your head.

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        Well, if I tell you now, then it’s not too late. You’ll thank me later.

Beat

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        Built a steam engine.

Derek stares at her dumbfounded.

That’s what my Granddad would always say, if I said “what” rather than “pardon.” He would say “built a steam engine.”

Derek:            What the hell are you talking about?

Derek starts to slowly unfold.

Jessica:        Apparently there was a guy out there called What, or it might have been spelt W A T, and he built a steam train.

Derek:            Are you sure you’ve just been drinking?

Jessica:        It’s true, I swear to God.

Derek:            What’s his last name?

Jessica:        Erm… train… something… Mr…

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        No, that was his first name.

Beat

She chuckles, Derek does a little bit too.

Hey, you laughed.

Derek:                        Don’t sound so shocked, it does happen.

Jessica:        You didn’t strike me as a laughing person.

Derek:            Don’t be fooled, I have bene known to indulge in laughter.

Jessica:        Well, it suits you.

Derek:            It suits me? You must be drunk.

Jessica:        I am.

They exchange smiles.

I’m Jessica – Jess, by the way.

She extends her arm. Derek is apprehensive.

(Retracting) Oh, I’m sorry.

Derek:            No-no it’s…

He cautiously holds out his hand.

Derek.

They shake briefly, until Derek  quickly pulls away.

Nice to meet you: Jessica Jess.

Jessica:        Nice to meet you too.

Pause.

Derek takes a deep breath and unfolds more so he is in a more relaxed “looking” seated position.

Derek:            So, you here for business or pleasure?

Jessica:        Oh, business. Here for an important meeting about the deficit, to discuss budget cuts across the public sector. This better not take too long as my meeting starts in about ten minutes.

Derek:            So, pleasure then?

Jessica:        I could have been telling the truth.

Derek:            God help us if you were.

Jessica:        It would explain a hell of a lot though, wouldn’t it?

Derek:            Yes.

Jessica:        Here for pleasure. That squawking you heard earlier was my mate Saskia. She’s such a little bitch.

Derek:            Oh…OK.

Jessica:        We’d just come back to get changed, before we went back out.

Derek:            Back out? It’s like…

He goes to look at his watch, but stops himself instantly.

Shit.

He takes a breath.

It was nearly midnight when I got here.

Jessica:        We’re in London Dan, the night is young.

Derek:            It’s Derek, and…is it? I mean…

He gives her a judging look.

Jessica:        Please, you think this… Oh come on, mate I’m not even started.

Derek:            Can you even look at me straight?

Jessica:        Hell yeah I can, and I can…

She tries and fails to get to her feet. She falls to the floor, but uses the wall to steady herself. Derek tenses back up.

Ah no-no-no, see? Look, still suspended, no plum…plum- plumbers tonight Dando.

Derek:            Dando?

Jessica slowly lets herself down.

Jessica:        Dando? Bit of an odd name, were you parent’s magicians?

Derek:            No, my Dad was a lawyer, and my Mum a barrister… and they called me Derek.

Jessica:        Whatever. I am drunk, so go easy.

Derek:            That’s your excuse for everything.

Jessica:        Pfft, it gets me by.

She pulls out a hipflask from her bag.

Derek:            Jesus Christ.

Jessica:        Like I said, the night is still young.

Derek:            I’ll say.

She takes a swig, and then offers the flask to Derek.

No thanks. Never drink on the job.

He winces at the word job.

Jessica:        Job? At this time of night?

Derek:            Erm…

Jessica:        Holy shit, you totally are, aren’t you?

Derek:            A what?

Jessica:        A good looking guy, middle of the night, tight suit, in a            swanky hotel? I totally got it-

Derek:            -What?

Jessica:        You’re a man of the night.

Beat

A prostitute!

Derek:            Oh wait, no-no-no, I’m- No I’m not-

Jessica gets up and wobbles towards him.

Jessica:        -It’s alright, it’s- Hey, I’m not judging.

Derek holds his case closer to him.

What’s in the case?

Derek:            It’s nothing.

Jessica gasps

Jessica:        Holy shit, is it full of toys, and sexy things and stuff?

Derek:            (Sighing) Yes, it’s crammed to the brim with vibrators, just like my client will be, now can you drop it please?

Jessica:        Come on, I only want a little-

She steps forward but loses her footing. Derek – upon noticing this – then curls himself back into a ball, faking a small panic attack.

Derek:            Ah! No-no-Oh God, the walls are- the walls-

Jessica:        -OK-OK, I’ve stopped, alright? There we go.

She steadies herself and lowers down next to Derek. He then stops, moving his case to the other side of him, so he is between it and Jessica.

Was just trying to have a little fun was all.

Derek:            Well, I’m here to do a job, not have fun.

Jessica:        Surely you get to have a little fun? Part of the job-

Derek:            -I’m not a prostitute!

Jessica:        Sorry…. Do you prefer the term Gigolo?

Derek sighs.

Or call…girl- no not call girl, call…boy? Eugh, that sounds wrong. What about call man? That sounds better. Although why does girl sound fine – call girl – but call boy sounds slightly-

Derek:            -Please stop. I’m not a call man, boy or woman.

Jessica:        Hey – I’m not judging.

Derek:            (Exacerbated) It’s an- oh forget it. I am not a sex worker, end of!

Jessica:        Alright….jeez.

Beat.

Shame.

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        I mean…

She looks him up and down

Yeah, I wouldn’t say no. Although- depends how much you charge? Do you come up with the rates, or do you get “rated” by….others? Or do-

Derek:            -No, there is no sex- nothing sexy; I am just… a business man, and I’m meeting a client. That. Is. All.

Pause

Jessica:        Jeez, ‘scuse me for trying to have a bit of fun in a lift.

Beat

That didn’t come out right, especially since I just called- Shit- This wasn’t- OK, this honestly wasn’t some convoluted drunken plan to have sex with you in a lift!

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        Built a steam-

Derek:            -You’re planning what?

Jessica:        -No! I said I wasn’t planning to have sex with you in a lift.

Derek:            OK then.

Jessica:        It just sounded a bit that- never mind. I’ll stop.

Derek:            Please yes.

Jessica:        Might have sounded like I was, but I can assure-

Derek:            -OK, yes I believe you… now let’s move on.

A long pause

Jessica:        You’d think they’d send someone to rescue us soon.

Derek:            Who?

Jessica points to the camera.

Jessica:        Them.

She teeters up to the corner and stares up to the camera.

Helloooo, anybody home, we’re kind of trapped in here.

Derek:            Please don’t use that word.

Jessica:        Hello?

She jumps up to try and get closer.

Derek:            For the love of fuck, don’t fucking jump.

She jumps again.

Jessica:        Ah! Damn, missed it.

Derek:            DON’T… don’t- no need to jump again.

Jessica:        I’m not heavy; we’re not exactly going to-

She jumps again. When she lands the lift shudders slightly.

Derek:            AAAAHH! JESUS SHIT WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Jessica quickly dives towards him, holding him in her arms.

Jessica:        It’s OK, it’s- woops.

She realises she’s crowding him, so takes a shuffle back to give him air, whilst letting him grip her hand.

(Soothingly) It’s OK, we’re fine – we’re fine. We’re not- we’re still alive, we’re still-

Derek starts to calm down

OK, there we go. You alright, you back in the room?

Derek:            I wish I wasn’t.

He notices his grip on Jessica’s hand and releases.

Sorry, did I hurt-

Jessica:        No, it’s fine, it’s OK. You alright?

Derek:            Yeah just… don’t do that again.

Jessica:        Yeah-yeah sure, no more jumping. Hey, you notice that? Yeah. Check me out. Crisis mode entered and BOOM – Sober, and dealing with the situation, like a pro, and now… now I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Derek shuffles away slightly, as Jessica sits there, unsure about whether she’s going to be sick or not.

(Woozy) OK…Oooook. I think we’re…

Derek:            OK? I really hope you say OK?

Jessica:        (Unsure) Yeah… I think… we good, we’re all good.

Derek:            Thank Christ.

He tries to control his breathing.

Jessica:        I don’t know if they saw me.

Derek:            Who?

She points to the camera.

How do you know?

Jessica:        Do you see anyone rescuing us?

Derek:            They don’t need to rescue us, they just need to reboot, or fix…something.

Jessica:        What just turn it off and on again?

Derek:            Something like that.

Jessica:        (With faux disappointment) Oh, so no sexy midnight firemen                         are coming to save us?

Derek:            Doesn’t look like it.

BANG! BANG!

Mother of god, what the fuck is that?!

Saskia:          (Muffled) Hello?

Jessica:        Lift ghost?

Derek:            Fuck off.

Jessica:        Well, it’s clearly not… or is-

Saskia::         Jess, is that you?

Jessica freezes

Jessica:        Shit!

Saskia:          Jessica?

Jessica:        Who is it?

Saskia:          It’s me, Saskia

Jessica:        Saskia? Are you the lift ghost?

She bangs on the door, Derek tenses up.

Derek:                        Please stop her doing that.

She bangs again.

Saskia::         Hello?

Jessica:        Yeah, Saskia: I can hear you.

Pause

Saskia: bangs on the door.

Saskia::         What was that?

Jessica:        (Shouting) It’s me Jessica! We can hear you!

Saskia::         WHAT?

Jessica bangs on the door herself.

Jessica:        It’s me Jessica. WE. CAN. HEAR. YOU!

She tuts, then looks to Derek who is incredibly shaken up.

What? Surely if I hit the wall it’s OK? I was hitting-

Derek:                        -Just stop hitting it please.

Saskia::         Who’s with you?

Jessica:        I’m with someone.

Saskia::         Whey-hey, well done Jess.

Derek sighs

Jessica:        It’s not like that.

Saskia:          Who is it? Is it the prostitute?

Derek:            Wait…wha-? How long has she been there?

Jessica:        Do you mind, I’m trying to have a conversation.

Derek:            Fuck conversation, we need help.

Saskia:          What was that about fucking?

Derek:            We’re not fucking!

Saskia:          Don’t fuck her, she’s skint.

Jessica:        Fuck off Saskia. (To Derek) I’m not skint.

Derek:            I don’t care.

Jessica:        Alright, I know but… a bit of tact would be-

Derek:            -Just get us out of here!

Jessica sighs and goes to the door.

Jessica:        Saskia? Saskia, can you hear me?

Saskia:          Jess? Jess is that you?

Derek:            For the love of-

Jessica:        Yeah, it’s me. You need to get help.

Saskia:          Jess is that you? Come out Jess!

Jessica:        I can’t, we stuck.

Saskia:          Oooo, kinky.

Jessica:        No, there’s no kinks, we’re just stuck.

Saskia:          Oh.

Jessica:        Can you get us out.

Saskia:          Yeah, hang on.

Pause

Jessica:        Saskia?

Pause

Saskia:          Did it work?

Jessica:        What?

Saskia:          No, didn’t work.

Jessica:        What did you do?

Saskia:          Pressed the open button.

Derek:            For crying out loud!

Saskia:          Hang on, let me try again.

Pause.

Nope, still nothing.

Derek:            (Sighing) Christ, (Calling) Go and get help!

Saskia:          Is it a man with you?

Derek:            Yes I am a man.

Saskia:          Why doesn’t he open the door with his massive tool?

Derek:            What?

Saskia:          All men have tools on them. There must be something- you must have something in there to help prize the door open.

Jessica turns and looks around the lift.

Jessica:        Erm…

Derek walks over to the centre of the lift, rubbing his face. Jessica notices his case, picks it up and takes it to the door.

Ooo, is there…

She notices Derek is rocking on the spot.

Never mind.

She goes over to the door.

(Calling) I’ve got a case-

Derek’s eyes open in shock.

-there might be something in-

Derek leaps towards her and tries to pull the case off of her.

Derek:                        NO! Let go!

Jessica does not, as they engage in tug-of-war with the case.

Jessica:        OW! Let go! You must have a key or something/ I won’t judge if it is dildos, or anything.

Derek:                        (Overlapping) No, give it back, it’s my case.

They struggle.

Saskia:          OI! Stop having sex in there. Don’t make me come in there.

Derek:                        Give it- OW!

Jessica:        What’s the magic-

Jessica yanks it out of his hand. It opens and dozens of bullets fall onto the floor.

Derek stumbles back. A confused Jessica looks inside the case and shrieks. She drops it and a HANDGUN falls out. The two freeze, staring at the gun.

Saskia:          You guys finished yet?

Jessica and Derek stare at each other.

Well, if you two are busy, I’ll leave you to-

Jessica:        -No, Saskia… Go get help.

Saskia:          Help? Me? Get? Go?

Jessica:        Go get help, g-get us out.

Derek:            (Quietly) Don’t…freak…out.

Jessica:        Quickly!

Saskia:          Help! You mean like fire- sexy firemen help!

Jessica:        No… No sexy firemen, just…

He grabs his case and throws it over the gun quickly.

Just get help, go the front desk or security. Get them to turn the lift on, we don’t need anyone-

Saskia:          (Calling) I’ve already gone.

Jessica slowly backs away towards the door and presses her ear against it.

Jessica:        I think she’s gone. It’s OK she’ll have gone to get someone.

Derek:            Well, I’m glad we’re in her capable care.

Beat.

Jessica:        So…

Derek:            This is awkward.

Derek slowly bends down and collects up the loose bullets and his gun.

Jessica:        I really hope that’s a sex toy.

Derek:            I think we both know it’s not.

Jessica:        Oh good, at least you know, because I might need you to-

Derek:            -I think its best we leave it at that.

He gathers everything up and gets back to his feet, clutching the case tightly.

Jessica:        Right… so we’ll go back to awkwardly waiting to be rescued… one of us… might have a… gun… with bullets….going to see a client… yup… going to see a client.         One of us… has a gun… it’s not me… so that just leaves…

Derek:            Can you drop it please?

He starts to breath heavily.

We’ve been in here too long.

Jessica:        Cry me a  river.

Derek:            What… my claustrophobia is going to get worse the longer we’re stuck in here.

Jessica:        Don’t care.

Derek:            It’s a serious cond-

Jessica:        Well, you should have thought of that before you brought a gun into a lift.

Derek:            That doesn’t change anything-

Jessica:        It changes everything!

Derek:            It doesn’t make my condition any less worse.

Jessica:        Yeah… well…. I liked you better when you were a prostitute!

Derek:            Hey, it’s a living and – wait I thought you said you weren’t going to judge?

Jessica:        Don’t turn this on me, you’re a murderer.

Derek:            No I’m not, I’m…it’s my…job

Jessica:        You say potato, I say murder..ato.

Derek:            Stop.

Jessica:        What you going to do? Shoot me?

Derek:            No, I’m not going to shoot you.

Jessica:        Why the hell not?

Derek:            No I- wait, do you want me to?

Jessica:        (Sarcastically) Yeah, just like you wanted to shag me in a lift!

Derek:            I didn’t want to-

Jessica:        -God this is just, the worst birthday ever!

Derek:            Oh happy birthday.

Jessica:        Yeah, thanks a lot you prick. God, this is such a betrayal, I can’t believe you Daryl.

Derek:            Who the hell’s Daryl?

Jessica:        Whatever your stupid name is!

Derek:            OK calm down, just… breathe and-

Jessica:        Oh…OH! You do not tell me to breathe. No, if anyone’s going to be taking any breaths here, it’s going to be you!

Beat

Well go on then.

Derek:            Go on what?

Jessica:        I’m a witness ain’t I? So…

Derek:            For fu- I’m not going to shoot you. You’re a… Well you’re a- So-so I can’t- I can’t shoot a-

Jessica:        -A girl, is that it?

Derek:            No I-

Jessica:        -So because I’m a girl you’re not going to shoot me.

Derek:            -No I- it doesn’t matter if you’re a- I’d shoot a girl if I had to.

Jessica:        Oh, would you now?

Derek:            Yes.

Jessica:        Oh would you now?

Derek:            Yes, I would totally shoot a girl, if I had to. I’d shoot anyone, regardless of gender, race, sexuality or species. Jesus, I’m many things but I am not prejudice.

A long pause

Derek:            I mean… I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal about-

Jessica:        -Oh my God, are you having a fucking laugh? You’re messed up mate.

Derek:            You were fine with me being a prostitute!

Jessica:        No uh-uh, this is so much more different.

Derek:            Is it? Is it really? Think about it! Prostitutes can ruin lives, just as much as killers can!

Jessica:        Why did we send Saskia: for help? Keep digging and you’ll get down to the lobby in no time at this rate.

Derek:            Look, will you just- it’s a job alright, we all have to make a living somehow!

Jessica:        A living?

Derek:            Yeah, I don’t do this for free!

Jessica:        How much?

Derek:            How much?

Jessica:        Yeah, how much you getting for this?

Derek:            More money than you have sense!

Jessica:        So, not much then.

Derek:            Ha-de-ha.

Beat

Jessica:        Well?

Derek:            For this kind of guy, we’re talking at least six digits worth.

Jessica:        Six digits?! I… Wow, really? That’s pretty- No! It’s wrong, this is just-

Derek:            Let me ask you this: do you like James Bond?

Jessica:        What’s that got to do with-?

Derek:            -Do you?

Jessica:        Well…yeah, Daniel Craig is beautiful and-

Derek:            -Oh! He’s a killer.

Jessica:        Yeah but-

Derek:            -Nope, straight up murderer. He murders a bunch of people.

Jessica:        Yeah, no I-

Derek:            -But because he’s an Adonis he gets away with it, is that it?

Jessica:        Well- what no but…

Derek:            Ha! Shut you up, didn’t I?

Jessica:        He fights bad guys.

Derek:            Maybe that’s what I’m doing.

Jessica:        Are you?

Beat

Derek:            Maybe! I don’t need to explain myself to you.

Jessica:        Erm, I think you do. I saved your life earlier.

Derek:            When, by not jumping up and down? By undoing years of therapy against my phobia?

Jessica:        Piss off!

Derek:            By getting us trapped in here in the first place.

Jessica:        Fuck you!

Derek:            I was perfectly fine until you stumbled in here, smelling like a-

Jessica:        Like a what?

Derek:            Like a…

Jessica:        Like a what, come on let’s hear it, like a what?

Derek:            Vomit!

Jessica:        Wow, that’s the best you can do, is it?

She storms off as far from him as she can.

And for your information, I only threw up a tiny bit when I was here, but I swallowed it back in, as a mark of respect.

Derek:            That’s-

Jessica:        -And because I thought you wanted to…you know… in the lift.

Derek:            Great.

Jessica:        But next time, I’m going to chunder everywhere….EVERYWHERE!

A whirring noise – the lift starts working.

Derek:            Ah what the hell?

Jessica:        Hey, we’re moving. Oh thank God, we’re moving.

Derek:            Oh thank you God.

He goes towards the panel, but is slightly uneasy.

(Woozy) Ah…shit. Erm…Hey…

Jessica:        What?

Derek:            Could you do me a solid and press 38 for me please?

Jessica:        Push your own damn buttons.

She turns away from him. Derek stands there, shaking. He tries to control his breathing and attempts to move closer to the panel, but is too scared.

He tries to press the button from where he is, but the button is just out of reach. He then opens up his case, pulls out his gun and uses that to press the button. He chuckles, holding it up in the air, but Jessica isn’t looking.

He shrugs and packs the gun away.

They both stand there in silence until the lift starts to come to a halt.

Derek:            (Awkwardly) Well… this is my floor.

He walks towards the door.

Was lovely meeting you Jessica, I hope the hangover is merciful tomorrow.

She turns her head further away.

And….you know… don’t tell anyone about this… (Jokingly) Or I might have to kill you, heh-heh.

Beat

OK that one’s on me.

The doors open.

Well I…

He stops. HENRY is stood on the other side ready to get in.

Jessica:        Well, off you pop then.

Henry:           You getting off or…?

Derek:            (Awkwardly) You know, this isn’t my floor. No, I’m just             going to…

He moves back into the lift and stands at the back. Henry enters and stands in front of him. He presses the button for the ground floor and stands facing out, towards the door. Jessica shuffles behind Henry, next to Derek. She examines Henry, then Derek, then Henry again. The ball drops.

The lift starts moving up.

The following exchange is done silently, with Derek and Jessica mouthing and poorly signing to one another what they are saying.

Jessica:        Oh my God, that’s him isn’t it?

Derek ignores her, so she punches him in the arm.

Derek:            Ow!

Jessica:        That’s him, that’s the guy you going to-

She mimes shooting Henry in the back of the head.

Derek:            -Shut up!

Jessica:        Oh my God, it is, it totally is!

Derek:            Stop it!

Jessica:        That’s the dude you’re going to kill, isn’t it!

Derek:            Stop.

Jessica:        Isn’t it!

Derek:            Oh my God, will you just-

Jessica:        I’m going to say something.

Derek:            Don’t you dare!

Jessica:        I’m going to tell him.

Derek:            Don’t you dare.

Jessica:        I’m going to tell him.

Derek:            Don’t you dare, I swear to God I will shoot you so bad.

Jessica:        Bring it on you dick!

Derek:            Don’t you-

Jessica:        Shoot me, go on, I dare you!

Derek:            I will shoot you, I fucking will!

Jessica:        Bring it on! Go on, go on!

Derek:            Don’t make me shoot you.

Jessica:        Fucking come on then. Mister big man with the-

Henry turns round – the two stop instantly and throw over the top smiles at him.

Henry nods, awkwardly smiles back and turns back to face the door. As soon as he turns back, the others instantly resume their mime conversation.

Derek:            That was- You are fucking dead, you need to-

Jessica:        Or what, huh?

Derek:            Will you stop, I’m trying to do a job.

Jessica:        Oh well, sorry! Fucking do it then.

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        Go on then, Mr. Big Man. Fucking shoot him then!

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        Built a-

She mimes a Steam Engine.

Derek:            What is-?

Jessica:        Choo, choo Motherfucker!

Derek:            Fuck. Off.

Jessica:        Go on then, shoot him.

Derek:            What?

Jessica:        Fucking shoot him, go on then. Let’s see you do it.

Derek:            Don’t you- I will shoot the pair of you.

Jessica:        Oh yeah?

Derek:            Yeah! One – two – in the head – Bang – Fucking BANG!

The lift comes to a halt – Jessica and Derek cease.

The doors open…. Nobody moves. Henry turns round to the others.

Henry:           Anyone’s floor?

Derek and Jessica smile and shake their heads.

OK then.

He has to lean slightly awkwardly to press the button, to close the door. He then takes a small step backwards. The lift then starts moving.

A long pause – During this Derek starts becoming increasingly distressed, with his breathing getting steadily heavier.

Henry turns his head to Derek.

You alright buddy, are you- (To Jessica) Is he alright?

Jessica:        Hmmm… Oh shit, no he’s…. fine, yeah he’s fine, don’t worry about him.

Henry:           You sure, he doesn’t look- (To Derek) You alright pal?

Derek feebly manages to give him the thumbs up.

OK, well if you need to get off now, just let me-

Jessica:        -No-no, it’s fine, you’re fine aren’t you Dean?

Derek:            It’s-

Jessica:        (To Henry) But thank you…Thank you… so much. How kind of you.

Henry:           No worries.

He smiles and turns back round. Derek and Jessica give each other the finger.

The lift then comes to a stop and the doors open. Henry goes to leave, and Derek goes to follow. Jessica then grabs a hold of Derek.

Jessica:        Wait no, you must be- this isn’t your floor, remember.

Derek:            Let go of me you-

Henry:           What the- Is everything-?

Jessica:        -No it’s fine, off you-

Jessica manages to reach out and press the button to close the doors.

Derek:            No, don’t you-

Jessica and Derek continue to struggle, but Derek breaks free, walking backwards towards the exit.

Ha!

He turns to walk out of the door.

Jessica:        Wait!

Derek turns too late, and walks head first into the door. He yelps in pain and falls to the floor holding his head. The doors then reopen.

Jessica:        Well… I did tell you to mind your head.

She looks down, picks up his case and steps over him, out of the lift.

Henry:           Wait, is he- Are you-?

Jessica:        Oh no, he’s fine. This isn’t his floor.

The doors finally close and the lift begins to move again, with Derek still lying on the floor. Suddenly the lift stalls, stops and the lights begin to flicker. The continue to flicker until…

Blackout

 

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