Start your play with the line: “You’re a liar, and I don’t care that I’m naked, I won’t come off the roof unless you tell me why your sister asked me about my first time!” Bonus points if you end it with the line: “Don’t be a sycophant, it’s either me or the Danish!”
I love these challenges where we get given the first line and can run wild with it. There are so many possibilites on offer, that all spring from just one line of dialogue… and I’ve got nothing. Zero, zip, zilch. I’ve been thinking about it, and not a single good idea has come to me all day. So… I’m just gonna do the same thing I did last year for this challenge.
It’s not a lazy play if it’s self aware right? Right?
Lights up – Clara and Dom are sat in a café. Clara is sat with her laptop open, whilst Dom is sat on his phone.
Clara: You’re a liar, and I don’t care that I’m naked, I won’t come off the roof unless you tell me why your sister asked me about my first time!
Dom: OK I’ll bite.
He puts his phone down
What the fuck was that?
Clara: Oh sorry, I just had to say that.
Dom: Right why did you-?
Clara starts furiously typing.
Oh for- You’re doing it again.
Dom: The 29 plays later thing-
Clara: -28, it’s not a leap year this year. So it’s just 28 plays later.
Clara: Today’s challenge I had to start with that bit of dialogue.
Dom: Didn’t you do that last year?
Clara: Yeah, but that was with a different bit of dialogue. Something about-
Dom: –Frank and some butter-
Dom: That was the one. At least with that challenge you actually had a reason for saying that line of dialogue, because it was indicated we were talking about it prior. Whereas here, you just blurted it out loud like a crazy person.
Clara: I am crazy for doing this challenge again.
Dom: So you’ve got to write another 29-
Dom: 28 plays, like that makes all the difference?
Clara: It makes a huge difference, trust me.
The Waitress comes over with two cups of coffee.
Waitress: Can I get you two anything else?
Dom: Erm yeah, could I get a Danish please? Clara
Clara: Me too please.
The Waitress exits.
Dom: I can’t believe you’re doing this again. I mean, what came of it last year?
Dom: Well you have 29 other plays under your belt from last year.
Dom: And…what did they lead to?
Clara: Well… I- I mean I had to write one every single day, so it’s not like I was going to have 29 masterpieces or anything.
Dom: So the answer is nothing then, nothing came from it?
Dom: And now you get to do it all again?
Dom: -Come on Clara, there could be so much more you could do with your time. And yet you’re going to waste every day this month writing a bunch of nothing.
So what’s the play you’re writing today then?
Clara spins her laptop around.
Clara: (Proudly) Have a look.
Pause as Dom looks at the script.
Dom gets his phone out
Dom: Hang on…
He scrolls through for a few seconds, and then turns to throw a judging glance at Clara.
I knew I recognised that.
Dom shows her his phone.
Dom: Does this look familiar?
Clara: Erm… Oh yeah, isn’t that one of my challenges-
Dom: -Yes it’s one of your challenges from last year. Look familiar?
Clara: Well… yeah I did write it.
Dom: Writing it.
Dom: You’re writing it now!
Clara: I beg your pardon.
Dom: It’s the same situation, same characters, it’s the same play for the same challenge as last year.
Dom: Hell, you even lifted an entire speech from the play last year; word-for-word.
Clara: Not exactly word-for-word.
Dom: Jesus Clara, this is just lazy. It’s only Day 6 and already you’re resorting to cheating.
Clara: Erm, how dare. It’s not cheating.
Dom: Same play, same challenge.
Clara: It is not the same play. For starters the dialogue the play opens with is different. I’ve added a new character into it as well.
Dom: Yeah a pointless background character who so far has said about 2 words.
Clara: Don’t exaggerate.
Dom: Alright sorry- (Counts) 7 – 7 words.
Clara: Hey, she’s small yes, but she will have some importance later on.
Dom: What importance?
Clara: Trust me…she will I-
Clara: You’re just jealous you weren’t able to complete the first 28 plays challenge.
Dom: Oh fuck off, you are not bringing that up, we had that revelation last year.
Clara: Well what did you expect? I’m lazy, remember?
Clara: I’m lazy and a cheat remember, so I have to rely on shit I did last year.
Dom: Alright, alright. I’m sorry, you made your point.
So, how does it end?
Clara: I’m sorry?
Dom: The play? Last year you got bonus points for ending with a certain line of dialogue.
Clara: Oh yeah, it was something about a clown vomiting on Elvis or- I don’t know something like that.
Dom: So what is it this year?
Clara: Hang on.
She takes the laptop back, scrolls then, then swings it back round to Dom.
That’s the line I have to end it with.
Dom: Do you even know what a sycophant is?
Clara: I can google it.
Dom: So how are you going to segue the play awkwardly into the direction of that line of dialogue?
Clara: I don’t know. I’m sure you would know. I mean, with you being my boss and all, you are so very clever and good at these things.
Dom: I… I’m not your-
The Waitress enters and puts one Danish on the table.
Waitress: I’m sorry but there was only one Danish left.
Clara looks at Dom expectantly.
No. No. Absoltl- No. I refuse, no. You will- You will not-
How dare- How dare you I- No, you know what I will not partake. You can go fuck yourself.
A long pause
Clara holds out her arm and turns her hand into a mock Dom puppet.
Clara: (Muffled, as Dom) Don’t be a sycophant, it’s either me or the Danish!
She recoils her arm, clicks her fingers and points at the empty seat with a stupid grin on her face. She holds this pose for a while until