Challenge

Write a piece of “Spoken Word.”

Response

I have no sense of rhythm what soever, so I sought advise from a friend who continues to amaze me with her ability to write poetry and spoken word passages, with an automatic sense of rhythm. Her advise was to get angry and use that as a springboard.

So I did.

I got angry

And I got personal, really personal – more so than I ever have in any of my writing before (and this is from a guy who constantly refers to alcohol intake on this blog). So yeah, this was a tough one to write, but at the same time it was also uite an easy one to right… If that makes any sense at all.

 

Result

I had a friend

We eat

We need to eat.

We eat to survive

Yet I’m being eaten alive.

 

I had a friend

 

This friend liked to eat

He didn’t eat to survive

He ate to feel alive

He indulged, he gorged

He ate whatever he wanted

Because he feels he can

He can do what he wants

While we eat to survive

Yet I’m being eaten alive.

 

How can I trust those

I hold dear to me?

Those close to me

Are they who they seem to be?

I trusted you, but now

It’s broken, gone forever.

You destroyed that trust

And now with others

its fractured, cracked

I see the cracks, I don’t know

how to fill, how to rebuild.

I look over my shoulder

At those I should face

I look over my shoulder

At those I should embrace.

New people who come

into my life

I struggle to accept

I struggle to trust

Can I believe their lies?

 

How do other friendships survive,

When I’m being eaten alive?

 

Now it eats away at me

We eat to survive

Yet I am being eaten alive.

 

I hate myself for trusting

You who are in the wrong

You did the crime

But won’t do the time.

We need to both be strong.

 

You get to live your life

You eat, you sleep, you

fuck everything up

You get to survive

While I’m being eaten alive

 

A frame on the wall

You think you have it all.

You paint a picture

of your life that’s so perfect

But behind the frame there’s damp

There’s rot, there’s decay, ruin

crumbling away.

I hope it haunts you to your dying day.

Every night you awake

A fit of guilt

You think you got away

with it, you think you can survive

But I hope this eats you alive.

 

You get to live your life

It’s a lie

You eat, you sleep

It’s a lie

You eat, you sleep, you fuck

It’s a lie

You fuck, fuck, fuck

FUCK, FUCK FUCK

HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THIS? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, THAT YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO SOMETHING SO-

Wait

Stop

Breath

Calm

 

What would your Mother

say about what you did

What would your sister think?

Do your family know?

what a disgusting creature

you are?

FUCKING DISGUSTING, SO WRONG! DO YOU HAVE ANY SENSE OF LOYALITY, OF TRUST, OF FUCKING HUMAN DECENY? I-

Wait

Stop

Breath

Calm

 

You disappeared, that’s what

we wanted you

to leave

to go.

But no

not with her

not with someone

you don’t get

to be

happy.

 

HOW CAN YOU GO ON LIVING A HAPPY LIFE, AFTER WHAT YOU DID. YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. YOU DON’T DESERVE HAPPINESS WHEN YOU TOOK-

Wait

Stop

Breath

Calm

 

I told her

the woman, the girl

you tried to hide

to escape with.

She didn’t know

you tried to hide

I told her

I showed her

What it is

You are a monster

You tried to run

to hide, you tried

To disappear.

We want you to disappear

But not with her

Not with anyone, you

don’t deserve to be

happy with yourself.

Not after what you did.

Why

Why

Why

WHY, WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY? OH I KNOW. IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE A DISEASE. YOU ARE DEVOID OF LOVE, AFFECTION, OF HUMANITY. YOU ARE CARE LESS. YOU ARE MORAL LESS. YOU ARE HATE FULL. I HATE YOU. WITH EVERY INCH OF MY BEING, I FUCKING HATE YOU, AND I WILL NEVER STOP HATING YOU, HATING YOU. I HATE…

Wait

Stop

Breath

Calm

You can do this

I HATE-

Wait

Stop

Breath

Calm.

 

Because… here’s the thing.

We did nothing wrong.

We did not deserve

the pain, the torture, the betrayal.

But we can rest

knowing we did nothing

to deserve it.

All those you tried to hurt

All of us you hurt,

We will survive

because we get

to be alive!

 

No

I won’t

I refuse

To let my life

be defined by your action.

I will go on

I will survive

We will go on.

We will Survive.

While you’re the one

being eaten alive

 

You are but a blip

A dot

Insignificant

A speck

of mud

shit I stepped in

I wipe you away

You are gone

Forgotten

I will forget you

I delete you.

 

All those years

Gone.

I delete you

from them you vanish.

You meant nothing.

You are

Nothing.

 

You are

Nothing.

 

I live. Knowing I have done

nothing to deserve you.

You don’t define me

You don’t define her

You don’t define us

Your friends

Your family

You don’t define them

You don’t define us.

You don’t define the lives

you felt you could ruin.

We get to live, we will strive.

We get to be alive.

 

Oh you get to go on

but it’s not living.

You continue your charade

that is merely existing.

You exist, that’s all

you barely do in this world.

You are a speck, a dot

No one would care

if it were there.

You think you are

living that picture perfect life.

I’m sure you will thrive

but behind the picture it’s rotting

It’s crumbling

Because what you did

will continue to eat you alive.

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