Look at myths and folklore and try to pick a random culture, find an interesting character in their mythology or an awesome folklore story and write about that. Bonus points for writing a naturalistic play.
Googled “Examples of myths” and came up with Greek Gods. Nope too complex when I’ve got no time at all to write this thing. What else? Minotaurs. Sure, why not? Let’s have a play about a Minotaur being a lazy piece of shit (I went for the naturalistic bonus points this time)
The Mighty Minotaur
The stage is set out like a living room, except the room is an absolute hole. The walls are crumbling away, with bits of broken stone adding to the clutter littering the stage. There is a sofa centre stage, with someone sleeping on it, underneath a pile of dirty clothes and blankets.
The figure stirs from its slumber and rises. It is The Mighty Minotaur. A creature with the head of a bull and the body of a man – Although in this instance the body is that of a tired, bloated, and dirty man. He gets to his feet and stretches. He kicks off the dirty clothes and grabs a can from the table. He goes to drink, but it is empty. He throws it behind him and grabs another –empty. He picks up a third and shakes it – success! He finishes off its content and throws it behind him. He kicks some crap from out his way to clear a path and he exits stage left.
A few seconds later he reappears – entering stage right. He looks behind him, then back at the room, and sighs.
He moves over to the sofa and picks up a pair of jeans rummaging through the pockets, until he finds his phone.
He stands there, scratching his arse as he makes a phone call.
Minotaur: Hello? Hey Thesus how you doing? (Pause) It’s me… You know, it’s me… Minos… the Mino- Yeah that’s it, how you been? (Pause) Yeah no I’m… I’m good, good – Listen, I’ve not seen you around here much man I- (Pause) No I was just… It would be cool to hang out again soon, you still owe me a- Yeah well I… (Disheartened) Oh no that’s cool…. Yeah don’t- No it’s fine, I get it. We all…. Yeah, I mean you should probably spend more time with your wife. How long was- (Pause) Oh yeah I’m doing… Yeah I’m good. (Pause) No hey it’s – don’t worry about it mate, we’ll hang out some other time. I think… Oh I may already have something on tonight anyway… Yeah, so I probably couldn’t have fought you today anyway… Yeah, well I’m just so… but yeah we should… yeah I’ll chat to you-
Pause – Thesus has hung up.
Minotaur drops the phone onto the sofa. He exits stage right and then a few seconds later he re-appears stage left.
I don’t know what I was expecting to find.
He goes and opens the fridge.
Oh come on!
He comes back up holding one can of beer.
Last one – Seriously this is the last one? Where in the underworld did all the others…
He looks around the room.
Oh yeah, that’s where they went.
He opens it, but it’s been shook up and some of the contents spill out onto the floor.
Ahhh! Oh come on. Are you kidding me? Seriously? It’s still going and I can’t even be bothered to save it – Well that’s the point?
The beer settles down.
You finished? Good, well then here’s to me.
He raises a toast to himself and downs the entire can.
Aaah…Well, now what?
He throws the can out of the door stage left, the can then hits him in the back of the head coming from stage right. The Minotaur doesn’t react to it, he simply hangs his head and shuffles over to the sofa. He slumps himself down and stares out into the audience.
(Sighing) Oh yeah, this is the life. What am I going to do today then? Well I could go out – oh wait I can’t. I could invite people over – Oh wait, who’s gonna want to come to a shit hole like this? Whatever happened to the regular offerings of Maidens knocking on my door? I could do that you know, a different Maiden, or Maidens each night. You know why? Because this was my palace, this was all mine and no one else’s. I could do what I damn well pleased, because this was my Bachelor pad, this was the place to be. Everyone coming here, (Mockingly) “oh we’re so jealous of how amazing your life is,” “Oh I wish I didn’t have to share my palace with others,” “Oh my husband’s cheating on me again I wish I could move out and be a free spirit,” “Oh I wish I didn’t have to go home to snake skin clogging up the sink again!” Well take a good look boys, this is what free life is. All those parties, all those Maidens- Yeah they don’t last. Eugh, I couldn’t bare another party here again, I haven’t even finished clearing up the last one. I couldn’t stand it, all those youths with mother’s milk wet on their faces, not a facial hair between any of them. Eugh, just the thought of youths now makes me sick.
He pats his belly four times.
(Sighs) If only my Mother could see me now. That feckless cretin could see what all of her “hard work” went into too. Take a good luck Mummy, this is all your doing.
He slumps back on the sofa.
I need to get into shape – Eugh, but effort. I can’t do a workout; I couldn’t possibly fit it into my busy schedule.
A long pause – Suddenly he jumps up onto his hooves.
Fine, right fine – OK, let’s do this, I can do this.
He stretches for a few seconds and then attempts to touch his toes.
Come on…Just… a little…bit – Ow, there goes the back…Ah I…hang on…
He jumps down onto the ground and looks under the sofa.
Wait a second.
He rummages underneath and pulls out a beer can, unopened.
He opens it, finding pleasure in the sound of the fizz from inside.
Oh yes, come to Daddy.
He takes a drink.
Aaaahh, oh yes. Now this is the life!