In recent years, I tend to start the first day of the New Year with my brain desperately trying to abandon ship, as I hastily drown my body with copious amounts of alcohol, and wake up with a hangover that could slay a horse. We all do this, New Years Eve is another, in a long list of reasons excuses for us Brits to pour alcohol down our throats until it is more prominent in our system than red blood cells

For this transition from 2016 into 2017, the setting of my New Years Eve celebrations/commiseration was at the abode of my friends Louisa and James. The theme was to come dressed as something from the decade that you were born. So my friend Leo and I dressed as Mario and Toad, from the Super Mario games respectively, because we were massive nerds when we were Kids, and we’re massive nerds now. Yes I know Mario and Toad technically were created in the 80’s, but my excuse was that we’re dressed as the versions from the Super Nintendo era of gaming, so it’s perfectly alright.

Nailed it

I don’t know what it is about costume parties, but there seems to be something about them that makes us Brits drink more. Maybe it’s because we look like prats in our costumes, so the more we drink, the less embarrassed we are as our inhibitions fly away with every jelly shot? Regardless it was a great New Years Eve party, where I got to drink in the company of such characters as Sergeant Pepper,  Buffy & Angel, Mona the Vampire, Zorro, and even Mrs Doubtfire, to name but a few.

However, there was an issue at hand. Regardless of what I tell myself before every New Years Eve party (“Don’t drink too much,” “don’t make a tit out of yourself,” “don’t waste the first day of 2012/13/14/15/16 by being so hungover you can’t blink without vomiting”), I always seem to find myself in a horizontal position the following morning, having set new heights in the liquid torture I can put my body through. However this time around, I had been invited to a family meal, being hosted at my Granddad’s house. So a hangover was out of the question for New Years Day. However, this was a costume party, this was a New Years Eve party, and there was alcohol everywhere you turned. What was I to do?

tv dancing parks and recreation drunk drinking
We all know the answer to that.

told myself to drink water between each beer, I told myself to have a cut off point, and I told myself not to drink too much, but this was a different kind of New Years party.

2016, let’s be honest, has not been the best of years. I doubt that this was a year looked back on, in the ticking seconds before Big Ben chimed, with fondness and admiration. This was not a year that would have glasses risen to it, or  three cheers were chorused in its final seconds. This has been a year where Terrorism continues to plague our world, social unrest creeps round every corner, countless iconic celebrities have been taken from us, Britain voted to leave the E.U in a shock move that split the Nation and now shows our Politicians has bumbling fools who have no clue what they do next, only that Brexit apparently means Brexit (or sometimes even Breakfast), and let us not forget that a woman-hating, racist, xenophobic, failed business man, accused fraudster and sexual abuser (need I go on?), is now in line to become one of the most powerful men on the planet. WIth all that having happened this year, along with the fact that for me personally to say it’s been a bad year would be an understatement, I think there is more than enough probable cause for myself and many others to drink the last 12 months away. Goodbye memories.

dumbo
Bring on the Pink Elephants!

And yet, despite the countless bottles of beer, cocktails, jelly vodka shots, and toxic concoctions conjured up in a hidden lab at the bottom of the garden, something miraculous happened. I woke up in 2017…with no hangover! HALLELUJAH! It’s a New Years Miracle! No Hangover! Hey, maybe this 2017 thing won’t be so bad after all?! This is wonderful, don’t worry guys, everything’s going to be alright from now on.

Or perhaps I’m still drunk.

Oh well, start as you mean to go on, am I right?

MARIO 2.png
Sorry Princess, but your Mario is in another castle

 

Well anyway, the fact of the matter is that 2016 is now finally over. I didn’t think this day would come and it has seemed to have been a longer 12 months than usual. But now 2017 is here, that’s it, everything from the last 12 months have been fixed. No more problems, that’s our lot, it’s all fine now, everything is all of a sudden magically better right. No one else is going to die, all terror in the world will cease, it will turn out that Brexit does in fact mean Breakfast after all, in a Daniel Day Lewis will pull off his tangerine tanned mask and reveal it was all an act, Ed Balls will be knighted, and the entire year will all turn out to be an immersive Virtual Reality episode of Black Mirror, all concocted by Charlie Brooker. Yup, now 2017 has breezed in, we can sit back and watch as everything magically fixes itself and all wrongs will be made right.

…Right?

I think that hangover may sneak up on me yet.

To be Continued

Dave

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