This post was originally written on Thursday 13th October

Last night I was hit on by a gay pirate!

On Tuesday, we attended an event hosted by Thomson officials which, as well as igniting my passion for Sangria, also laid out a series of events that were on offer to us holiday makers. One of which was Pirates Adventures, a dinner and a show affair which had me sold on the word Pirates. As previously mentioned, myself and Sophie were further sold on this night by the promise of unlimited beer and Sangria.

The cast of the show was made up of former Olympians, including Team GB 2012 rhythmic gymnast Francesca Fox, as Captain Scarlett, who shouted at me when Sophie’s phone died on me whilst trying to take a photo. Luckily we did manage to grab a photo with the lude and filthiest of pirates, Captain Barbarossa.

wp_20161012_21_07_45_proHe spent about 75% of the show breaking up marriages and relationships. This was the last time I saw Sophie this holiday, she sails with Barbarossa now.

Lude is a good word to describe this so-called family show, as upon queuing for the event I was told by a Victorian style attired pirate that he “wouldn’t mind a ride on that!” Not that I’m complaining (nothing like a confidence boost), as the lude undertones and camp humour only added to the bizarre charm and sheer entertainment value of this show. This is a show that after wishing a 6 year old member of the audience a happy birthday, will immediately transition into a trope of scantily clad lady pirates, performing a sexy routine to the song Come Together. The shows main focus was on the Cirque-Du-Soleil esque performances, with death defying stunts, breathtaking routines, and mind-blowing performances. Mix that in with Pirates and you have one of the best nights out you could ask for. I would absolutely come back to Majorca to sail with these pirates once again. The more I think about it, the more I absolutely love this show. The atmospheare was amazing, all the staff (be they performers, bar staff, or ushers) were all in character, the show was amazing, the alcohol was flowing. It was so amazing that I have decided to relocate to Majorca to become a pirate!

After our late and beer fuelled night, we had to be up early this morning for another Thomson excursion. This excursion took us, and 49 others, up into the mountains to explore the North Western side of the island. Led by our multi lingual travel guide Vivi, and our dashing and heroic coach driver, Boris the Brave, we traversed the narrow and windy mountain roads, to bear witness to stunning views and soaking up this beautiful island.

Not all the trip was confined to a seat on this coach ride, that would make the rides at a theme park seem tame, we visited many native and historical locations, including the house of Lvis Salvador , and the port town of Soller. For the latter, we were given an hour to explore, before having to catch a tram, which would take us onto a private train through the countryside and back to the capital. We were wise and resourceful with ou time, by taking 10 minutes to find a port side restaurant for lunch, choosing a dish that took 30 minutes to prepare (the longer it takes, the better the Paella), drinking two pints of San Miguel each, taking 15-20 minutes to consume all, meaning we had to bolt it across town in order to jump on the tram in the nick of time, to avoid being left behind. Although it would far be the end of the world, if we ended up stuck in a picturesque Port-Side Majorcan town, with all the paella we could eat, and the overly large glasses of San Miguel we could drink (And I could have eaten that Paella forever, this was proper paella, I mean my God, it was one of the true food highlights of the entire week….so far).

Perhaps we should have “taken our time,” and “accidentally” missed our tram after all. “Oh no, we’ve been left behind, I guess we’ll have to stay here forever… Dos San Miguel Por va vor!”


Needless to say, staring out across the glistening port, as our tram trundled slowly away, I was already planning our next visit to this captivating island, before my first had even commenced.

Tomorrow brings a free planless day for us, which means more beach, more sun, more swimming, and of course: More Drinking!


P.S – In Soller, they sold Fresh Orange Ice Cream, I strongly recommend trying some if you’re ever out there!