The following post was originally written on Wednesday 13th October, back when I was in Majorca… and there’s nothing like a cold 8am walk to make you glad you’re back in the UK…

“Do what you want cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate!”


God it’s all kicking off back home, the pound has dropped (again), clowns are terrorising the streets, and Will Young has left Strictly! Any one of these things is enough to spread absolute pandemonium across the country, but all three at once? Will there even be a UK left? In times like this, it’s good to be sitting by a beach enjoying a litre of Sangria with your partner (we had upgraded from the pitiful 1/2 litre)

This relaxing moment comes minutes after panic erupted on the beach, as tourists suddenly leapt out the sea, with people crowing around the shore in shock. Was it a Shark? A swarm of jellyfish? Jason Mamoa emerging from the depths? No instead it was a shirtless German man harpooning an Octopus, with no regards for all the young holiday makers witnessing their first murder, sleep well kids! Now granted, as a devoted meat-eater, I am all for hunting and fishing if done for the purposes of food, especially if that food is presented in front of me with a cheeky pint on the beach. However there is a time and a place, and strolling across a beach with impaled octopus leaking everywhere, in front of 100 or so tourists is not one of them. Needless to say this wannabe Elmer Fudd was quick to pack up his family and make a quick exit stage left, under the judging gazes, and not before another small German child ran up to call Kraven the Hunter a Scheiße. Good on you kid!


Huh, that litre of Sangria has quickly turned into a half litre, it must have evaporated in the heat…

Before I came to Majorca I was not much of a wine drinker, of any sort, but after being offered a free glass yesterday morning during our Thomson talk at the hotel (note it is actually against the law to turn down any free food or drink when on holiday, just like how it is also against the law for your body to give you a hangover at any point during a holiday), I have since found myself helping to polish off a half litre of Sangria and a bottle of Cava on top of this quarter litre of- Hang on, a quarter litre, how did that  happen?

Thankfully there will be an unlimted supply of Sangria and beer tonight, as we shall be partaking in our first dinner and a show experience, described as Cirque Du Soleil meets Pirates of the Caribbean! Throw in this promise of unlimited alcohol and I will have died and gone to heaven.

Drink up me hearties, yo-ho!